The Certificate before the School?

by Lara Authe

Why does the certificate come before the marriage? asks Lara Authe

Marriage could be described as the coming together of elements that were previously apart. In the biblical sense, marriage is the coming together of a man and a woman in obedience to God’s injunction in Genesis 2: 18 that it is not ‘good’ for a man (or a woman, for that matter) to be alone. Actually, the scripture says a man should not be alone, but we take this to mean a generic sense of the word. After all, generic ‘man’ includes both male and female. I know that the gender sensitive people will find this unacceptable. That is a matter for the linguists to tackle, I guess. However, let us just stick to the focus of this discussion for now.

Essentially then, marriage has to do with the coming together of a man and a woman in a voluntary union. When it is not voluntary, then it is not a marriage but slavery. This is not acceptable in a Christian setting. This informs the officiating priest(s) always asking from the couple if they have both consented to the union before joining them together. There must be mutual consent. But the question we may never have considered is: why do you always get the certificate before the event of the married life? This question is necessary in the face of the reality that certification is usually a normal testimony of the fact that one has passed through a course of study or the other. Recently, I took four courses via the WhatsApp platform. The interesting thing though is that it was said to be free. You know the proverb: free article dey run belle. Anyway, after the classes, we were told that to get certificated in the learning, you have to pay. So, there it is. Certificate to prove that you have been trained. Interesting, right?

Thinking of this, I guess my university should be appreciated by colleagues and others that it trains for free and even issue certificates to boot. This is more so when you look at the quality of the content we dish out to staff for free every time there is a university-wide training!

So, let’s not leave matter to talk matter. A Yoruba proverb states that ile oko, ile eko ni (translated to mean: the marital home is a school). Obviously, it should become clear that this kind of school is not the one from which one graduates. It thus seems to make sense that the certificate comes before the school commences. Especially in the light of the scriptural injunction that “what God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” There is no way out. God hates divorce so this is one school from which you cannot graduate. As you enter into this institution, know that only death can separate. All the same, we need to ask those who should know if we want authentic backing to our hunches. The next section therefore presents the view of a minister of God that has not only been married for decades but has also conducted wedding ceremonies.

Commenting on the issue, Reverend David Bala Usman of Chapel of Grace Interdenominational, FCE, Okene notes that the marriage certificate is the evidence of the agreement of two people to come together in a matrimonial union. He adds that it is the proof of the witness given by the Church, the parents, and the society to the marriage of the couple as well as showing that all the witnesses are party to the marriage contract.

In addition, he says that the marriage certificate can be likened to the obtaining of permission to practice as we have in such professions like medicine, pharmacy, hairdressing, tailoring, etc. In his words, “marriage has to do with getting permission to practice.” One of such practices that this certification gives approval for is sexual relations, which is permissible only in a marriage relationship (cf. Prov. 5: 15-23; 9: 17, 18). As such, he opines that “Marriage certificate gives authorisation for sexual relationship.” Hmmm! 

I am sure that some that do not want the ‘due process’ in their sexual relations may disagree with what the reverend gentleman said above. Unfortunately for them, it is the biblical due process for there to be sexual relations between people of the opposite sex. And we do say people of the opposite sex because that is the only sexual relationship the Bible recognises (Rom. 1: 26, 27 and 1 Cor. 6: 9, 16-20). We have no apology for our view. Any other practice is not of God. Ask the people of Sodom and Gomorrah the fate they suffered when they contravened the law of God on this matter.

Let us go back to the issue of marriage and certificate, however. We do agree with Reverend Usman that certificate of marriage is a sign of mutual consent between the couple. As it stands, the woman is the one that usually has to carry the certificate as the evidence of her being married, or to support her claim for the change from her maiden surname. We also view it as the sign that the woman actually gave her consent to be married to the man whose name she now bears.

But comparing marriage certificate to a kind of evidence of having undergone a course in an educational setting is out of the question. In this case, you get the certificate as the evidence of being admitted into this particular course. One may not be wrong in saying that for the Christian or legal marriage, the certificate is your letter of admission. But for a Christian, the certificate goes beyond being an admission letter; it is the evidence of your absolute pledge of loyalty to ONE man or ONE woman, all the days of your life. Never forget that vow: ‘forsaking all others’. It is your pledge that God can trust you. But are you truly trustworthy? If you always remember that “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Heb. 13: 4), you will let God find you trustworthy. A vow is a vow, no matter what; and God does not suffer fools gladly, I assure you. May the Lord help us to be worthy of His trust.

You should also never be weary of well-doing, even to your marriage partner. You remember that before the same witnesses you pledged all your worldly goods to this woman/man. Being kind to one another is another thing your certificate demands from you. For God to bless you as a man or a woman, you must be kind to your partner. Man, do you think it brings down your manhood by giving your wife a helping hand with the house chores? If you do, then the fear of God is still far from you. Remember, you promised to ‘care’ with your own mouth. Woman, is ‘mothering’ your husband becoming a burden for you? Don’t forget, you pledged to ‘serve’ with your own lips. Let’s make our marriage work by obeying the word of God. It is only then that God can truly bless us.

Do you know if that long-standing and persistent problem in your life is tied to the way you are treating your spouse? God is a witness remember (Mal. 2: 14). He heard and recorded everything we said before His altar and/or witnesses on our wedding day. God’s blessings do not have sorrow attached to them (Prov. 10: 22). Most often, we attach these unnecessary sorrows by afflicting where we should be comforting. May the Lord forgive our oversights. But we can still make amends; otherwise, He may turn His back on us. Church, repent.  

But is it not possible that it is because we do not often actually leave to cleave that we have sorrow in our marriages? There can be no true cleaving if we do not leave. Leaving is used here in the sense of making a conscious separation between us and our natal family. This is the only way marriage can truly bear the name marriage. Leaving may be described as the price of happiness. Just as a newborn baby cannot grow up unless the umbilical cord is severed, so also can marriage not grow and develop as long as there is no real leaving, no clear separation from one’s natal family. God established the marriage institution without graduation to give room for cleaving.

Leaving and cleaving are similar. One has to do with the public and legal aspect of marriage, the other the more personal aspect of the process. They are nonetheless intertwined. You cannot really cleave except you have left; you cannot really leave except you have decided to cleave. When people cleave (stick together), it is like a piece of paper; you attempt to separate them, you tear them both. It you try to separate a husband and wife that have truly cleaved together, both get hurt.

Consequently, one may not be wrong in that the marriage institution is created without graduation because God commanded that the husband and wife MUST become ‘one flesh’. This means that the man and woman have to share everything they have, both their bodies, material possessions, their thinking and feeling, their joy and suffering, their hopes and fears, their successes and failures. Therefore, to become one flesh means that two persons become completely one with body, soul, and spirit while yet remaining their two separate individuals. This is the innermost mystery of marriage.

In addition, it could be said that the certificate comes before the marriage proper because God does not expect the marriage to fail. As far as God is concerned, your pledge on the marriage altar is binding till death comes to lift you to a higher ground in the presence of God. Just as you are expected to do all that is legitimately within your power to come out of your academic programme with flying colours, so you are supposed to do all that God has outlined in His word to make your marriage work. May God help us.

In the final analysis, we may say the marriage certificate comes before the marriage proper because God does not do things without leaving Himself a witness. He wants you to always remember that you willingly gave your consent to be united to that man/woman in holy matrimony without being forced. You signed the marriage register without being compelled. Undoubtedly, the certificate bears your signature to prove it. The certificate is therefore to remind us, in our marital journey, of our commitments to that particular woman or man to whom we had pledged our ‘troth’, till death do us part. God is a witness: if we forget, He does not. He is the third party in this contract and He will not overlook any breach of the terms of our agreement (Eccl. 4: 12; Mal. 2: 13-16). Your marriage certificate is MORE than just a piece of paper, my brethren. So, beware!!!

My prayer is that the Lord will give every child of God the grace to be steadfast in the faith enough to partake of the great marriage with the Lamb of God on the last day. It is only after this that I believe a child of God can claim to have graduated from the marriage institution because there is no marriage in heaven.