Would you rather let your marriage crash due to ego or save it despite ego?
This is the question I brought to you guys this morning.
I was in an extended conversation with a young lady yesterday. She had a bit of beef with her spouse. Whether people agree that having beefs between couples is normal or not, what I think is the major issue is the way the couple handles it that matters. It can escalate or de-escalate the situation. So, when you have those that wish you well around you, they work towards making your marriage work rather than helping you to destroy it. Much more, if you enter your marriage with full chest (to use a Nigerian slang), you are likely to work towards de-escalating rather than escalating conflict situation around you. In addition, if you allow third parties, including your mom and siblings to control the happenings in your home and dictate your relationship with your spouse, hitting the rocks in that marriage is a matter of time. It is ONLY YOU and YOU ALONE that can make your marriage work. If you decide to work with your partner to make it work, it will. However, if you choose to let your ego and that of your family members to dictate how you react to situations in your home, you should are on a long thing. Despite every effort on the part of her husband’s family to make peace.
Now, this is not to say the guy too does not have his faults. We know that it takes two to tango. If each party look back with honesty in a troubled marriage, they will both find that they probably have a lion share of the fault. It is either one party was stomaching more than they should or they do not make any effort at working with their partners to resolve the issues.
Nonetheless, the truth remains that most marriages can be saved if there is honest and open conversation on the two parts. I have come to understand that open conversation does not mean blaming one party or accepting blame that does not really have a foundation. It is honestly looking at the issues and trying to understand the issues at stake as well as the weaknesses and strengths of each partner and leveraging on these to work our a pragmatic reality for both. Leeches should not be suffered and allowed to continue their leeching spree. However, struggling young men or women who are working hard to make something good of their lives should be honestly supported to tide over their period of challenge. I understand that if the person does not want to be helped, it could be difficult. Maybe both parties should honestly agree that they need to look for true help to get over the situation. Professional help does not mean you have failed or that you are abnormal; it just shows that you are a realistic person.
It is also important that all parties outside the marriage should give the couple the chance to work out their situation. If there was ever any love or children shared between the couple, I am sure they will be able to see reason and ensure that that love lives on or that the children do not become a tool to be used against each other. It is madness to expose your innocent children to what is strictly between you and your partner just to score points. Indeed, it is a sign of lack of maturity on your part.
There is nothing God cannot do is a common slogan these days. I believe it myself. It depends on you to determine if what is happening in your marriage is worth the effort of saving it. I think with God’s help, you can answer that question. However, if your ego becomes bigger than God, what can anyone do. I wish you will look at the situation dispassionately and ask god for guidance and do what is right for your life, your partner and your children, if there are any.
Let not the third parties in your marriage have the final say. They will not help you live the life of regret that may follow if your ego or theirs is what dictated your decision about your marriage. Even they may end up blaming you for accepting their counsel then. It is your life; that should count for a lot. It is the life of your partner; that should matter to your too. It is the life of your children; think about them as being pivotal to your decisions.
I pray that God’s counsel will prevail over your marriage in Jesus name.
God’s best to you.
Lara Authe
IYABODE OMOLARA AKEWO NWABUEZE 